Gimme a Quiche – Just a Little One…

Despite my sick, sick obsession with cupcakes, I am in fact the proud owner of a savoury tooth (except for that sudden unwanted appearance of my sweet tooth earlier this year – boy, are me and the entire population of KitKats glad that’s over). I’m not alone in this club and I know several people who would choose a bag of Lays over a bar of Lindt any day, including Christine: every year for her birthday I try out a new Anti-Cupcake in honour of the occasion (I wish I’d taken pictures of the Thai chicken cupcakes with bright pink glittery cream cheese on top *regret face*).

I have a serious gripe with savoury finger food being needlessly fugly. I mean, sure, it might be a bit of a stretch to make a chicken liver look appealing, but there’s no harm in trying. No-one ever bakes cupcakes and then just shoves a cocktail stick through it and expects people to react with enthusiasm.

{finger food should be so cute and appealing…

… that people come back for seconds}

Having aired my views before, I’ll shut it and tell you about what I made for Christine’s Retirement Party (I know, right! She doesn’t look old enough to me either – I bet she gypo’d the forms 🙂 ).

So I’ve done Anti-Cupcakes in the past and I felt that this occasion deserved something special… and so I give you…. faux lemon meringue pie!! Ta-Da!! AKA quiche, with mash piped on top. Also a little rosemary garnish, because I thought they looked a bit bland – which, in hindsight, turned out to be good for differentiation from the real mini lemon meringue pies at the party.

I’ve never made mini-quiches before because somehow in my mind they always seemed like a fiddly, poshly-named French excuse for scrambled eggs on pastry, but I was pleasantly surprised. Super easy and they tasted great (except I’m not a huge fan of mash made from powder, but since I don’t eat potatoes anymore – damn you, Dr. Atkins! – its a convenient alternative for moments of Anti-Cupcakery).

For 12 mini anti-lemon meringue pies:

400g shortcrust pastry – just buy it in the freezer aisle. Life is short, especially on a weeknight.

1 slice of ham. Seriously. You could leave it out since it’s such a negligible quantity, if you aren’t into piggy products.

A tiny bit of grated cheddar or crumbled feta – I used both, about 30g of each.

1 egg. A whole one.

1/8 cup of cream. Take your 1/4 cup measure and half-fill it. OK fine, that’s laziness on my part. I did the math – it’s 2 tablespoons.

400g mashed potatoes

1 egg yolk

1/4 cup more cream

So easy-peasy – preheat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius, give a shallow muffin tin (quiche tin? I actually don’t know what it’s called) a blast with nonstick spray.

Roll the shortcrust pastry a tad bit thinner if you, like me, feel cheated when you bite into a pie and it’s 90% dry sad crustiness. Stamp out circles with the same diameter as the muffin tin hollows. I have the perfect sized cookie-cutters, but we can’t all be perfect so use the top edge of a drinking glass as an alternative.

Chop up the ham and evenly distribute the ham and cheese amongst the cups. Whisk the egg and cream together and pour a little in each cup – it will rise a bit, but will also flop a bit on cooling which is okay since the mash will cover it up.

Pop the quiches into the oven for 18 – 20 minutes. While they’re cooling, mix the mash, yolk and extra cream until smooth and beautiful to behold. If you are a fellow greedyguts, sneak in a little more cheese – parmesan works since you won’t see little speckles of colour in the final product. Put it in a piping bag and make little swirls on top of the semi-cooled quiches, then pop them back into the oven until the mash is just a tiny bit tanned. I poked a tiny snippet of rosemary into the mash just before baking again, but this is entirely optional.

Serve at room temperature and don’t tell anyone what’s in it…

{spot the imposter}

Happy Retirement Christine!!

 

PS: I often find that Google picks up very strange things when I run a search. This is by far the weirdest search result I’ve had today – a play. About quiches, amongst other things).

Five Things: Couch-Potato Commerce

So here I am wrapped up in a warm woolly blanky on the couch and a steaming cuppa by my side, all thanks to a disgusting bout of flu. Now, other people may turn to chicken soup, large quantitis of Vitamin C, or possibly Meg Ryan/Tom Hanks movies to make them feel better – but I am a firm believer in retail therapy. I did a bit of research and found two awesome online shopping sites, all from the comfort of my cushy couch :-).

I first discovered mud studio at the March Collective in Kramerville (the Collective is a monthly pop-up shop – go to the next one on 2 June!) (Thanks Bronwen for the heads-up :-)); to be honest I enjoyed mud more than anything else. Everything they do is beyond gorgeous and perfect – I want everything in the “whisp” range, it’s all delicate colours and organic shapes, and it kind of looks like a ceramic crepe.

As for Kamers Vol Geskenke (“rooms full of gifts”) – I made a point of NOT going to the event in Irene just before Christmas last year because I knew I would be flat broke 2 minutes after walking through the door; I found out just this morning that they have an online shop and I’ve already ordered some goodies *guilty face*.

{Whisp from mud studio}

{weeny heart shaped containers from mud studio}

{never mind wooden spoon – check the wooden cutlery! from kamersvol}

{loving these to bits… from kamersvol}

{when you’re done treating the kitchen, treat yourself with a pretty pendant from kamersvol…}

PS: Here’s one of the weirder things I saw at the Collective in March… love it! It’s labelled “traditional dhow” and I picture a crew of weatherbeaten old fishermen rowing along a fiercely flowing river in this bright green peapod, perched on the little cushions… never fails to give me a giggle.

07 December 2013: One year on and I cracked; Kamersvol was awesome, full of the things i sigh over in the glossy mags. Armed with the best of festive intentions (“i’m only here to find gifts for my granny and grandpa”) I emerged with a large shopping bag full of indulgent goodies for moi…

Sprinkle Sprinkle Little Star

Is it just me, or are we going through a patch of blue? As in blue babies – everyone is having boys these days! To be honest I’m not a huge fan of babies (mostly because stuff squirts randomly from either end of them for the first few years) but I do love a good baby shower – how adorable are the little miniature clothes, not to mention the work that goes into decorating the venue and preparing teeny-tiny nibbly food? Baby showers aren’t the little bring-a-plate-of-eats get-togethers thrown by your mom anymore – they are full-scale productions second only to weddings.

With all the frills and fuss surrounding baby showers, regular plain ol’, same ol’ cupcakes with pink or blue or icing just don’t seem to cut it anymore. So when I found the sweetapolita blog (thanks Gill!) it was a real aha! moment – a simple method to produce a spectacularly sprinkly result! It looks super-impressive and fun, but it takes absolutely no effort at all. It’s one of the many things in life that make me think “Well duh – why didn’t I think of that first? Natch”, kind of like post-its, cake-pops and any of the fascinating inventions the Japanese come up with:

But I digress.

This recipe is for “confetti cupcakes” using sprinkles – everyone loves sprinkles: they’re just so cheerful and colourful and the perfect antidote to pre-baby nerves. And what better for a baby shower than sprinkles (get it – sprinkles, shower – no?). Baby-showers are so special because it’s a party celebrating a happy and exciting event… and possibly the last party the mom-to-be will attend for a while… so make it one to remember :-).

I will be using this method for just about every occasion calling for vanilla cake. Don’t tell anyone how easy it is; fib and tell them how you laboured in the dead of the night by the light of a lone flickering candle, meticulously embedding each sprinkle in just the right spot using tweezers and a spirit level. Because absolutely NO-ONE will believe the real story.

For super-impressive, super-easy confetti cupakes:

One batch of vanilla cupcake batter (I won’t post the one I used for the pics – it contained oil instead of butter, and the cupcakes felt greasy with a rough texture – not my favourite. No-one will sue you for using cake mix) (what cake mix?).

A handful or two of rainbow vermicelli – depending how much batter you are dealing with, and your personal preference. For moi, there’s no such thing as too much sprinklage.

Embellishments – I used butter icing and moulded chocolates, but this is of course entirely up to you. Pink for girls, blue for boys, yellow/green/white for surprise babies. As in, unknown gender. Not like those hillbillies on “I didn’t know I was pregnant”.

Preheat the oven and prepare the batter. Gently stir in the rainbow vermicelli so that it is more or less evenly mixed through, then plop scoops of the be-sprinkled batter into cupcake liners and bake. Once they are out the oven and cooled down, embellish to your hearts content. I like to have the icing cover the entire top of the cupcake so that the sprinkles are a nice little surprise.

That’s it. Seriously.

Go out and celebrate something special (like a new little person) with confetti cupcakes!!

 

PS: Will someone PLEASE produce a pink baby – I need an excuse to buy this!! Sadly, it is not available in my size.

Ain’t Nuffin Like a Muffin

Ever since decadent, bedazzled cupcakes stole the show, poor old muffins seem to have taken a back seat:

Don’t think of them as ugly cupcakes, people! Think of them as the healthier alternative – they’re a cupcake-shaped vehicle for all the wholesome, nutritious goodies that we wouldn’t dare put in a frilly frippery of a cupcake. Cupcakes are the Mary and muffins are the Rhoda. Refer to the following highly intellectual analogy:

{CUPCAKE: pretty, composed mainly of air and sugar}

{MUFFIN: still pretty, but with less icing and more wholesome goodness}

These particular muffins were inspired by a church project – since I was baking lots and lots of muffins for homeless folk, I decided to fiddle a nutritious recipe using one from the Brown Eyed Baker’s blog as a starting point. Her recipe is for oatmeal muffins with dates, cranberries and pecans – mine are oatmeal muffins with apple, raisins and pecans. Um. I ever so slightly forgot the recipe while traipsing around the supermarket and so did a few last-minute substitutions, but the result was super-yummy anyway :-). They aren’t exactly a health-food what with the sugar and stuff but they’ve definitely got more substance to them than most sweet nothings. They’re moist and not too heavy and fibrous; I don’t care how healthy it is – even if you have completed clinical trials proving beyond doubt that bran muffins can give you a 6-pack, I still won’t eat them if they are the same density as a bowling ball or feel like heavy-duty sandpaper on the tongue. OK that’s a lie because I would really like a 6-pack but you get the idea.

{muffins should never be heavy enough to inflict damage…}

{or so fibrous that you mistake them for a hedgehog}

The term “muffin top” is a strange oxymoron, given that cupcakes are more likely to produce this condition than a fruity fibre-rich muffin (fibre aids weight-loss! true story!). Since I’m on that topic, what is WITH all the young ladies of today showing off their oozing flesh-tyre muffin tops as if it’s a good thing?? *pushes large granny-spectacles back up nose indignantly and resumes knitting*.

For 12 Slender-Waisted Oat Apple Raisin Pecan Muffins:

1 cup traditional rolled oats (if you are South African – it can only be Jungle Oats)

1 cup cake flour

1/2 cup sugar – if you think brown sugar is better for you, use that. I just like the rich taste it gives.

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon ground cinammon (or more, if you’re a cinnamon hound like me)

1/2 cup chopped pecans

1 green apple, peeled, cored and chopped into little bits – don’t grate it, the chunks give a nice texture

1/3 cup raisins

1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted and cooled

1 cup buttermilk (or milk soured with a teaspoon of vinegar or lemon juice – just mix and let it stand for a few minutes – et voila!)

1 large egg, beaten

Cinnamon sugar (optional)

(Don’t you feel healthier just reading the list of ingredients?? Feel free to substitute ingredients which are similar – such as chopped dates or dried cranberries for raisins, almonds for pecans, etc.).

Preheat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius. Unless you’ve also just baked vast quantities of muffins for a good cause, in which case the oven’s ready to go. Grease a standard 12-cup muffin pan or use paper liners – I used liners. For prettiness.

{ok, not MUCH prettier – but more photogenic at any rate}

In a large bowl, whisk together the oats, flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon. Add the pecans, apple and raisins and give it a stir.

In a separate bowl, whisk together the butter, buttermilk and egg. Pour the wet ingredients onto the dry ingredients and using a SPATULA gently fold in until the ingredients are ONLY JUST MIXED and moistened. A few little lumps are ok – rather a few lumps than a raisin-studded rubber ball, which is what you will get if you mix it too energetically.

Gently plop the batter into the prepared tin. I purposefully used smaller quantities than usual to avoid getting a muffin top (ha! ha!). They give muffins a bad name, after all. I sprinkled a bit of cinnamon sugar over the top of mine, for extra cinn-fulness.

Bake for 15-20 minutes and then remove to a cooling rack to cool completely before storing (aka eating).

Feel all that goodness going down? Muffins kick cupcakes butts! (Sometimes. When it comes to birthday parties, please don’t make people eat bran muffins).

PS: Muffins appear in two of my favourite books – in Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (the sisters generously give their Christmas-morning muffins to a less fortunate family) and in The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows (admittedly, in the form of a cat, but a Muffin nonetheless – do yourself a favour and read this book if you haven’t yet! It’s one of my top three).

Five Things: Pour Some Sugar On Me

So I’ve reached that age where I am once again being invited to kid’s parties – when did we all grow up and start having babies?? Babies that turn into walking, talking little people? Would you all just stop it, because it makes me feel old!!

My favourite thing about kid’s parties is the SUGAR. I’ve noticed a worrying trend where the oldies-but-goodies are being replaced with fresh fruit and organic wholewheat and tofu. There’s a time and place for healthy wholesome food and kid’s parties are not it. What’s the point of attending a kid’s party if not to eat as much simple carbohydrates as possible before falling into a cavity-toothed sugar-coma?

Back in the good ol’ days there were no party-planners, cakes were not towering fondant-covered monoliths, and party-packs didn’t contain cellphones or whatever it is they’re handing out nowadays…

{jelly baby racing cars}

{iced-zoo biscuits with those vague four legged shapes on top – and you can even make them at home, who knew!}

{not the best pic – but smartie-filled ice-cream cones and marie biscuits were awesome}

{ice-lollies – everyone wanted the red one. remember Bunny Licks?}

{my whole mouth hurts when I see fizzers – what’s with kids’ obsession with obscenely sour sweets}

I can’t WAIT until Saturday’s 3rd birthday party :-).

Guest Post: Bon Jovi Boontjie Bredie

{This post was created courtesy of the lovely Laladybug – ok so what happened is she & her other half & their two kitties hosted me in Durban this weekend; Saturday was an uncharacteristically cold and rainy day so she opted (wisely) to replace the braai with a good old-fashioned bredie – yum! Bon Jovi did two concerts in the country last week and, since we had missed both, we consoled ourselves by playing one of their old CD’s and sucking down delicately sipping red wine. While La cooked, I drank tried my best to capture the recipe verbatim}.

bredie /ˈbriːdɪ/n

1. south african meat and vegetable stew {Cakepoppie: but it’s oh so much more than that. A bredie is a dish of Cape Malay origin despite it’s etymology and it is the gastronomic equivalent of the warm fuzzies that Bon Jovi ballads give you. The meat will be falling off the bone, the veggies will be a velvety balm to the winter palate, and don’t forget the murg (marrow) if you’re that way inclined – big noisy slurps!}

{who am i kidding. by ballad i mean jon bon jovi doing the smouldering 90’s God-of-rock thing}*

Etymology: 19th Century: from Portuguese bredo ragout

 

It may seem like bredies take a lot of time, but they’re the kind of dish that you throw together and then leave to bubble away without supervision. Don’t be afraid of making it. Take my hand and we’ll make it – I swear.

{ok jon bon jovi i will take your hand since you insist}

Wear an apron to protect your finery…

{is it hot in this kitchen or is it just jon bon jovi?}

For a vast quantity of steamy smouldering bredie to serve 6 – 8:

4 small red onions, peeled and chopped.

4 cloves garlic, peeled and sliced.

5 potatoes (soft-cooking – if the greengrocer gives you the option), peeled and chopped into large chunks

500g carrots, chopped into 1cm chunks

500g green beans, topped, tailed and cut in half/thirds

1.5 chicken stock cubes

1kg lamb knuckles

Salt & pepper& sugar

50g Knorr brown onion soup powder

1 glass minus a sip of red wine (we used a Cappuccino Pinotage by the Boland Winery)

 

 

Right. So first we do the onions – chop the onions and garlic and sauté in olive oil until soft but not browned. And um, then, we do… But first add half a teaspoon of sugar and salt and pepper while frying the onions. Um. Then add the meat and seal the meat nicely until it’s browned.

Then add the chopped potatoes, carrots and onions – no, beans. We already added onions.

Then put in – see I don’t know exactly how much water I put in. Put in say 500ml of water and the stock cubes. Wait. Say about 750ml with the chicken stock. Leave to cook for a while and when it’s almost ready add the brown onion soup (take some of the sauce out of the pot, mix it with the soup powder and pour it back into the pot so it doesn’t go lumpy). It must be on medium heat, not too fast as you want the meat to go nice and soft. Give it a stir every now and again, obviously.

Let’s time it.

Ok, we forgot to time it, so what you need to do is play the Crossroads CD by Bon Jovi. Sing along and play the air-guitar. When the CD ends, add the brown onion soup powder and simmer while you prepare the rice. 1 cup of rice + 3 cups of water and some salt, put it on high until it boils and then you put it on low and preferably cook it in a glass-lidded pot. And don’t open it until the water is all gone. Must be Tastic Rice!!

Have some more wine, and put some feeling into it while you dish up: “I wanna la-aa-ay you down on a bed of rice(s)”…

{are you pointing at me? yeah i can change my name to Bredie}

*Follow the link for the real equivalent of a steamy bredie – Jon Bon Jovi in a blanky. It’s a bit too rude to put the pic in the blog.

Say it with Ganache

Does anyone else remember the old ads for the Panache fragrance range? No? Neither does Google, strangely. The ad used to go “say it with Panache”. But I would far rather say it with ganache – chocolate speaks louder than words.

{so NOT as exciting as chocolate}

It’s become my go-to confection – I’ve used it as a cupcake icing, truffles, chocolate filling, ice-cream sauce, whipped mousse (who knew? new favourite discovery); it took me years to try it though, for the silliest reason – the fancy-shmancy name made it sound gastronomically intimidating. What a load of old socks! It’s the easiest thing in the world! Plus the name has an interesting etymology (I LOVE etymology *pushes thick glasses back up nose, snorts, pats pocket-protector*). Apparently the word comes from the French for “fool”, after a chef accidentally spilled cream into melted chocolate. I love happy accidents like this :-).*

So I checked out several recipes online and found it strange that so many people try to overcomplicate ganache. Minute detail like temperature, time, tempering…. who cares, right? It’s chocolate and it’s easy, and it doesn’t require a degree in nuclear physics.

For 2 cups of ganache:

1 cup of cream

1 cup of chocolate – dark, milk or white (it’s about 250g). Good quality mind – what you get out is only as good as what you put in. Don’t you dare use baking chocolate!

Seriously, that is all. You can add other stuff if you like but to me this is the best it will ever be.

{found these at the good food and wine show last year – earl grey and chilli ganache – i’d love to know how they do the decoration}

Heat the cream, either in a glass bowl over a pot of simmering water (not touching!) or in the microwave until its hot to that point just before boiling. Pour it over the broken-up chocolate and stir to melt and blend.

To use it as a topping, allow it to cool a bit and pour it over the cake while the mixture is thick but still pourable. It will form gorgeous smooth glossiness, and you can orchestrate a few artistic drips as well. For truffles, let it cool completely then chill it till it sets firm and use a melon-baller to scoop it out before coating in chopped toasted nuts, cocoa powder, sprinkles, etc. I’ve frozen ganache like this with no ill-effects after defrosting – it’s a good standby to have stashed in the freezer, if by some miracle you have leftovers.

For an amazing rich, fluffy mousse to use as a filling for moulded chocolates or to serve as a tiny rich dessert, allow it to cool down and while it’s still pourable open a can of whup-ass on it with a whisk and it will miraculously transform into aerated, pipe-able chocolate heaven:

{quit drooling on your keyboard}

I will be making white ganache to use on dark chocolate chilli cupcakes tomorrow, and I bet you anything it will convey a much stronger message than what Panache ever could.

{bless those clever folk over at Petits Four in Big Bay}

*Probing further, I found that “ganache” is derived from Italian which was derived from the Greek for “jowl”. Ew. Let’s just stick with the happier-sounding version.

Five Things: Kruger in My Kitchen

Put on your best Janice voice and say it with me: Oh. My. Gaaawd! The Kruger National Park is absolutely amazing; I saw 3 of the Big 5 before my first coffee!! I got to see something (make that two somethings) I never ever expected to see in the wild – both a white rhino and a black rhino! Plus elephants (including a baby nellyphant, pooping), giraffe, zebra, kudu, impala, waterbuck, buffalo, the elusive painted dog, hyena with pups, and an enormous variety of birds and trees. My eyes are so tired after staring deep into the bush searching for animals that I feel I should stare at a blank white page to refresh them.

{the butter believe it butter dish}

{the absolutely essential enamel mug – available cheap-cheap anywhere in SA)

{trunks full of taste shaker set}

{beverages in the bushveld}

{hippo and giraffe vases}

I can’t WAIT to go back!