BITE ME

Happy Halloween!

bite me

It’s a crying shame that we don’t celebrate it more energetically here in Deepest Darkest. Dressing up in one’s bedlinen in public, demanding sugar from complete strangers – DENIED!

This year, instead of the Witch Fingers I usually make, I took inspiration from scary apple treats I saw at Allrecipes. I loved the idea but had my doubts that anyone would consider an apple to be a “treat”. That’s like calling steamed broccoli an “indulgence”. Erm. No.

So I applied the idea to cupcakes instead, since I had spare vanilla cupcake batter on hand.

(the really spooky part? The excess batter made exactly THIRTEEN CUPCAKES! Are you getting goosebumps right now?? Snap, me too!)

This is not a recipe really, just a few simple steps; you will need:

  • Red Cupcake Batter
  • A handful of slivered almonds, lightly toasted in a hot pan or oven
  • Icing
  • Red ribbon-y jelly sweets – alternately, those dried fruit rolls that your granny enjoys eating.

wedgie!!

dental caries guaranteed

carnivorous cupcakes

  1. Bake red cupcakes. You could go all out and do red velvet from scratch – or you could colour the bejeezus out of plain vanilla.
  2. Once the cupcakes have cooled, use a sharp knife to cut a segment into the top. Leave the little cut wedgie there for a bit – it will help to keep a clean edge on the “mouth” when you’re icing.
  3. Apply icing. I used buttercream, and kind of globbed it on with a butter knife. Ideally I would have liked to pipe it on so that it looked more polished but it was 2a.m. and I was really struggling to channel my inner Martha Stewart.
  4. After applying the icing (and large quantities of edible glitter – optional, but highly recommended cos oooh it’s so purty), remove the loosened “segment”. It’s up to you what to do next. What I mean is that you should eat it.
  5. Poke the toasted almonds into the “gums”, using the tip of a knife to make a small incision first if you find that the almonds are brittle and prone to shattering. I used four on one side, and two on the other side to fit on either side of the tongue.
  6. Cut tongue-shapes out of the jelly sweets, and poke them into the open mouth in a lewd fashion (the cupcakes I mean, not you. You don’t have to be lewd, unless you really want to be of course).
{oh so sweet and innocent...}

{oh so sweet and innocent…}

Tada! Halloween treats that bite back!!

{... until you make it angry}

{… until you make it angry}

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