The Magical Unicone

Who doesn’t love unicorns?? *silence*. Yes, that’s right, we all love an embellished pony!

uni uni unicorns

So my friend Gillbean found this hilarious giggle-snorty picture, and it started one of those long trains of thought on how this could be translated into something edible (because everything’s better when it’s edible):

coney pony

Logic told me that I needed to replace the unicorn picture with ice-cream, and I was feeling mighty smug about this brilliant idea of mine when *gasp* I happened to be out and about with my long-lost Kiwi cousin and his lovely Kiwi girlfriend… We decided to a do a nostalgia-fuelled trip to the Milky Lane (classic, right?), and oh my goodness! They had beat me to it!

how very dare they!

Humph. I had already purchased the “horns”, so I went ahead with my plans to make my unicone. The ice-cream recipe is from Jenny Morris‘s cookbook… um… Cooking with Jenny Morris (do you think she got a little tired of thinking up exciting titles?). It sounded fairly foolproof, having four ingredients and requiring minimal effort. True, I managed to turn the ice-cream into a coffee-flavoured slushy and also true that a coffee-flavoured slushy is not the best base on which to apply eyes and noses… but let’s just call it an “organic” attempt. It was yummy enough and absolute magic in the hot weather we’ve been having. If you make the same oopsie don’t worry, just nonchalantly call it a “granita” when serving (it helps to flutter your eyelashes a bit, this makes it seem like you whip up such exotic-sounding things all the time and are a Domestic Goddess) and everyone will be hopelessly impressed and ask for the recipe.

Attempt 1

Attempt 2

(Ok this is a first for me… I’ve managed to lose all except two of the photo’s from the ice-cream making process! So you will need to use your imagination for the first part. Oopsie-daisies).

For lots and lots of luscious Coffee Ice-Cream Unicones:

1 Litre Ultramel vanilla custard (don’t be tempted to make a smaller quantity and buy the 500ml – it’s the same price as the 1 Litre! And why would you want LESS ice-cream?)

1 tin (397g) sweetened condensed milk

4 tablespoons strong instant coffee granules

1 cup milk

Ice-cream cones, AKA magical unicorn horns

Sweet bits and bobs, if you want to go to all the trouble of facial features (optional)

This is so easy that it makes it extra embarrassing that I managed to do it wrong. There’s only one word for this: Doh!

Whisk the custard and condensed milk together and dissolve the coffee granules in the milk by stirring vigorously. Whisk the two mixtures together and chill for an hour. As I type this, it occurs to me that I skipped this part. Oops.

I don’t have an ice-cream machine – if you do, this is where you pour the ice-cream base into the machine and press Play. If, like me, you like to do things the old-school way (read: there’s no space in your minute overstuffed kitchen for any new fandanglerations), pour into a freezable bowl and, um, freeze. Once the ice-cream has frozen, give it a solid spanking using an electric beater to break up the ice-crystals, to ensure a lovely creamy smooth end product (this is the other part I omitted, hence the “granita”). Repeat once more (oh wow. I really messed this one up).

Scoop the ice-cream into a bowl, and top with an ice-cream cone. I tried so hard to attach facial features but as soon as I tried to point the lens at the assembled Unicone, something would drop off with the melty ice-cream. It was easier to just leave them off, to me it still looked pretty convincing (she says to herself reassuringly).

crack is whack

Best get into the kitchen quick, and take advantage of the ice-cream weather while it’s still around – I’ve noticed this weekend that the sun is starting to set sneakily earlier than at the festive season. Go have a magical Unicone, it makes everything better! *twinkly Disney-type sounds*.

PS: I had this at the Milky Lane:

{Milky memory Lane with David and Elli}

{Milky memory Lane with David and Elli}

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